I've come to realize....

From my title, I guess I will be talking about things that I've realized today. Things that I've kind of noticed before, but now they're really clear to me. No you know what? As a matter of fact, these "things" aren't even things anymore... They've become ISSUES. Yes I said it. Issues. Issues that are not good. Not even one ounce of good. But really, when has an issue ever been a good thing anyways? Never. I'm pretty sure of that.

SO. Two issues. Pretty cut and dry. Ain't hiding anything now. Shall I reveal these two wretched issues that I have? Yes I think I will. Right. Now.

1) I PMS a lot earlier then I should, and I absolutely HATE it. (Considering the fact that HATE is an extremely strong word, then you know that it's something that I need to change. Let's also consider the fact that I cap locked that b*tch, so yes I hate this issue)

I PMS like two weeks before I even get my period. Is that normal? No, I think not. I think it's all in my head, and that little thought in my head makes my body think that all this yucky junk food is good for me. NO. Cravings are bad. My appetite is HORRIBLE. I eat so much more often then I should because my brain makes me think that I'm hungry like an hour and a half after I eat. Another thing, my portions become huge. I eat way more food at a meal/snack. It's so annoying! I want to portion control what I eat! I also become extremely lazy when I PMS, so exercising to me seems like it's out of the question. And it shouldn't be!!! Next time I feel like I need a craving I'm not falling for it, I'm going to force myself to workout! I don't care if I have to manipulate myself into thinking that I need to workout or that these foods that I'm craving are poison... I will do it!!! I can't fall back into that place again, or else I will be infinitely unhappy!

2) When I PMS, alllll I want to do is eat junk food... Like chips, candy, sweets, chocolate... NAUGHTY FOOD.

And I usually fall into the trap, and I eat huge amounts. It's like I don't get full! Or when I do get full, I keep eating till I feel like sh*t because it tastes "good". Yeah, NO. I always feel sick and bloated. I end up feeling like absolute crap about myself. I can't do it anymore, it's not good for me. Even if I want ice cream, I can't do it. I can always make healthier alternatives. For example, a fruit smoothie... Or if I really want ice cream I'll drive my butt over to Whole Foods and I'll eat gelato. If I want chips, I can eat less junkier versions of chips... Like veggie chips, or something baked or organic. BETTER YET... Almonds! Pistachios, stuff like that... Nuts and seeds. If I want chocolate, I can get low calorie dark chocolate. Or a protein bar!!! There are so much healthier alternatives, I don't know why I force myself to fall for the crapppy ones. WHYYY?! Well it doesn't matter why, cuz no more!

The only good thing of falling off of the health train is catching yourself and learning that yes I'm human... Yes I will make mistakes. But what counts is that I can learn how to fix these mistakes (yes I'm kind of stealing this quote from Jenna's mamma from Thirteen Going On Thirty, LOL... Love that movie!)

Alrighty kiddos.... I'm done son. My arm hurts from typing... Idk why. Gonna watch some more videos now then shower, brush my teeth, floss... Etc. Hope you guys have a wonderful day/night.

Adios amigos!!!

- Mina

You don't realize what you have until it's gone

It's a true fact, for sure. You never know how much a person or something means to you until they're no longer in your life. NEVER, & I mean NEVER take advantage of the people you love! Take it from my experience, you'll be lucky enough if you ever get a second chance for treating someone like crap to be in your life again. So while they're still in your life; LOVE them. Make sure that they know you love them. RESPECT them! Treat them & speak to them with kind words...treat them the way that you would like them to treat you. You can'T just expect to have respect from someone if you don't give it to them in return. Support those that you love, support their passions, stick up for them, be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on... Most importantly, learn to forgive those that you love. Just remember that nobody is perfect...NOBODY! Not even you. We all make mistakes. It's better to forgive someone for a careless mistake, then to hold on to anger that will harm us in the future. If that person forgave you once, then you can forgive also. It may not be easy, almost everything isn't easy... I believe in the end, it'll be much better for you.

Be thankful for your blessings, pray to God whenever you feel like giving up. I learned from all the moments that I was so low I didn't think I could ever possibly be happy again that God was listening to my prayers, wiping away my tears. Whatever you believe in, even if it's different from me...never give up on whatever faith you believe in. I like to believe that my God puts obstacles in my life so that whenever I have blessings, I'm not blind to them. I recognize my blessings & realize how lucky I am to have them...to not take advantage of them. So that I remember the happiness I feel, & how amazing happiness can be. You never know the true value of anything until it's gone. I was & still will be going through times in my life where all I feel is pain & all I can ever focus on is negativity... God will always be here for me, guiding me to brighter days. I know that he loves me & wouldn't let me go through any kind of pain if there weren't better reasons lying behind them. For that I am thankful. =) My God is an amazing God... & that makes me happier then anyone will ever know.

So what I'm trying to say is, RECOGNIZE WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU HAVE, & THE PEOPLE THAT BRING YOU HAPPINESS. Let them know that you love them, life is short...too short to be bitter & unhappy. All the seconds that you spend unhappy, are moments in your life that you'll never be able to get again!!! Including people! Anyone that you love in life is genuine & special, there is no one else in the world like them (or YOU) that exists...so don't take it for granted! You'll regret it....because I know I regret not letting the people that I loved know how special they were to me...& they are no longer in my life! I pray that one day we can regain our old friendships & rekindle the love that we all shared among each other... Anything is possible through God. Miracles do happen!

So never dwell...stay positive, stay happy. =) Always remember you have something to be thankful for!!!

Hoping and praying for a brighter day...

I've never felt like giving up so much on life until this single moment. I have been struggling with some hardcore depression this Summer. Everything is just hitting so hard all at once. I feel lonely, heart broken, I feel so alone. I've never felt as if I had anyone to confide in for such a long time. From this day on, I've been so alone. I have no one. I'm not really close to anyone in my family; my cousins who I am close to are in another country and the only one I am close to adult wise is my aunty who is in another state. I haven't talked to one my of closest friends in almost a week. I feel so hurt...I keep wanting to hold on to a string of hope or faith...because without my faith in God and without hope, I don't know if I'll be able to hang on any longer. It really seemed as if life was getting so much better, I thought that I was going to get a job, I thought that I'd be able to go to Colorado to visit my favorite aunt next month, me and my best friend were on good terms, things were getting a little better....but now, I feel as if I've hit rock bottom. Too many times do I feel the burden of sadness and despair over feeling happiness. I don't know how long I'll be able to handle this anymore. Everything that has ever meant anything to me is all gone.

I'm in shock. Never would have I ever thought that I'd ever be in this position. I honestly used to so full of life, happiness, everything good in life was all I ever focused on. I had friends, a father, even someone I loved...material things don't even matter to me anymore because I know that the happiness they bring only lasts so long. I would give everything to have the people that were once in my life back into my life again...ANYTHING. The loneliness I feel is unbearable. I honestly don't know when happiness will ever be within my reach again.

I thank God everyday for the blessings that I do have and I pray for better days. I pray that I will find happiness in my life, genuine people that will last as lifetime friends, that love me for me, that don't and won't use me just for their own advantage, to find a love that is true and everlasting with a man that has a nice sense of humor, and that has a kind heart. Happiness and peace within my whole family including myself, a long life with good health, and no financial hardship. That is what I pray for, and I know that God is full of miracles and surprises...I hope he blesses me with a miracle as soon as he can, because I need it more then anything right now.

I honestly believe that I would never physically harm myself, because I know the pain it can cause upon others, a lifetime of pain that just hurts too much to even think about. I know this from experience, and I miss that person with all my heart. Every particle in my body, I MISS YOU. I know you're in paradise with God, watching over me...guiding me. I know you and God will help guide me through this rocky path in life and lead me to better days, out of the darkness. Into a life where reality is finally better then my dreams, and the sun shines all day. After every storm comes a rainbow. I hope and pray with all of me, that my storm with run dry. That my happily ever after will occur and that I will never ever feel this low again in life.

OK...I think I'll end this post here. I had to vent, I just HAD to. I'm feeling a bit better, just a bit. But I know God is helping me right now along with my loved ones in Heaven. I apologize for this post not being all flowers and glitter, but I do have my days where I feel blue. This sadly happen to be one of them...Bye bye for now.

- Mina.